J is for John.

A DEAR JOHN LETTER

Dean Jones plays St. John in Exile,
no doubt waiting for a reply from an editor.

First Century Scrolls

Antioch

93 A.D.

John Bar Zebedee

Patmos, Aegean Sea

Dear Mr. St. John,

            I have reviewed your submission, The Gospel According to John. If you had bothered with market research, you would know we have already published three biographies of the obscure Galilean prophet. (Frankly, I wonder how Mr. St. Matthew and Dr. St. Luke got their manuscripts past our acquisitions editor; they’re so similar to Mr. St. Mark’s earlier effort as to be both mind numbing and plagiaristic.) Since this miracle worker from Nazareth has been gone for over half a century, it is doubtful there would be enough interest in his life to warrant a fourth biography.

            While I commend you for your unique approach, I think you don’t understand what interests modern readers. First, break up those long paragraphs of the prophet’s monologues—and what in Hades possessed you to use red ink?!—with action sequences.

            Second, lose the confusing and conflicting metaphors. I am the door? I am the vine? I am the bread of life? If you’re trying to drum up converts for your new religion, you’d do well to use plain Greek.

            Finally, get yourself a thesaurus. In a manuscript as short as yours, to use the same word one hundred times is lazy. Find a few synonyms for “faith” and “believe.”

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            While First Century Scrolls has no interest in another biography of this messiah figure, it’s obvious you were well acquainted with the man. Have you ever thought of writing a few short letters about him? We’re about to launch our new Epistles line and I think you might find a niche there. If you’re interested in submitting an epistle, be sure to write “Requested Manuscript” next to the wax seal.

Best wishes,

Philologus, Editor

What did the sheep say to the Good Shepherd?

            A student can earn a bonus point on my quiz or test by drawing a picture related to the questions or the material studied. Being the antonym of “artist” myself, I’m very generous in my definition of “picture.” I’m stuck in Stick Figures 101, so I expect and accept them and I’m impressed when I get something better. Some students still haven’t received their quizzes back because I’m saving their artwork in case they become famous.

            Over the last sixteen years, I’ve awarded these bonus points in Bible, U.S. History, English Literature, and even vocabulary. I’m possibly the only teacher you may hear laughing while grading tests. Last year a talented student drew a picture of an explorer with a beautiful woman on each arm; the caption read:  Columbus, Nina, and Santa Maria.

            My juniors at SCA are studying the Gospel of John. (Well, to be realistic, I’m teaching it and some of them are studying it.) They recently took a quiz on my outline of John and were, as usual, invited to sketch for a bonus point. A significant feature of John’s Gospel is the list of “I am” metaphors Jesus uses. One girl drew a stick figure shepherd saying, “I am the good shepherd,” and a tiny stick lamb responding, “Baa.”

I liked it. And then I started thinking more deeply about baa. Being a word-ist in inverse proportion to being an artist, spelling is a concern of mine. (Well, to be honest, spelling is more of an obsession than a concern.) Don’t get me started or I will gleefully tell you about the famous Christian author who mixes up reign, rain, and rein in her best-selling fiction.

So I started thinking of baa’s homophone, bah. A homophone, you surely remember, is “a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air.” * I visited dictionary.com to be sure I understood the difference before posting the information on a blog that could go viral. Here’s what I found:

baa

verb (used without object), baaed, baaing.

1. to make the sound of a sheep; bleat.

noun

2. the bleating cry of a sheep. *

bah

interjection

1. an expression of contempt or disgust*

            Then I started thinking even more deeply about baa and bah.

            What did the sheep say to the Good Shepherd? Did the animal cry out with a bleat, which might be interpreted to mean, “I need a shepherd to lead me and feed me. I will follow you”? Or did he dismiss the shepherd with a contemptuous “bah!” which might be interpreted to mean, “I don’t need you. I can do life on my own”?

            How do I respond to the Good Shepherd? With baa or bah? How about you?

* www.dictionary.com

The Power of Weakness

Crash Course 10

…the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.” 1 Corinthians 1:25 NIV

            In the Gospels Jesus exercised power over crippling diseases, demonic spirits, and natural laws. Even his words demonstrated strength and authority. The guards sent to arrest him fell to the ground when he spoke.

³ So Judas came to the garden, guiding a detachment of soldiers and some officials from the chief priests and the Pharisees. They were carrying torches, lanterns and weapons.

⁴ Jesus, knowing all that was going to happen to him, went out and asked them, “Who is it you want?”

⁵ “Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied.

“I am he,” Jesus said. (And Judas the traitor was standing there with them.)
⁶ When Jesus said, “I am he,” they drew back and fell to the ground.
(John 19, NIV)

            But the next day—the day we commemorate as Good Friday—Jesus appeared powerless, so exhausted and beaten that he couldn’t drag his own cross to the execution site. His hands constrained by nails, his voice quelled by thirst, there would be no miracles that day.

            Except one. At his weakest, Jesus conquered his strongest foes, sin and death.

            Now he assures his followers that his grace and strength will outshine our weakness.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,
according to his power that is at work within us,
to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations,
for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20 – 21, NIV)