Unintentional Peninnahs

Grove City College

We writers left St. Davids Christian Writers’ Conference Sunday to return to our “real lives.” Even the best writers’ conference in the nation can have both a positive and negative effect. On the one hand, it’s the place where you first believe, “I’m a writer.” On the other hand, it’s the place where you may fear, “I’m not a good enough writer.” 

Where better to experience irony than a conference for writers?

The conference bookstore sells books written by more successful writers. The workshop leaders boast long lists of publishing credits. It’s necessary for their credibility, but it can make ordinary conferees feel inadequate.

Peninnah appears in the biblical book of 1 Samuel. She was the other wife of Hannah’s husband, Elkanah. Peninnah had children, while Hannah had none. Elkanah loved Hannah in spite of her barrenness, but had no problem reproducing with Peninnah, although he didn’t love her. 

More irony.

In that era, around 1000 B.C.E., having no babies was worse than attending a writers’ conference with no publications or prospects. Peninnah stuck it to Hannah whenever she could. “Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat.” (1 Samuel 1:6 – 7, NIV) 

http://www.salon.com/2011/01/07/us_sci_tear_signals/

Peninnah probably recited the names of her children like top selling titles on Amazon.com.

She intentionally wounded Hannah, and it doesn’t take a psychiatrist to figure out why. However, there are many unintentional Peninnahs out there, just being their sparkly selves, and living their spectacular lives, holding no ill will against us, but we Hannahs still bleed. We fear we’ll never have what they have.

One writer friend, Elle Love, who couldn’t come to conference, wrote this poem while we were away:

DIM

I want to be
a light of the world,
but others shine
much brighter.
I am almost
invisible.
Do I make a difference
in the darkness?
Or will I always be
insignificant?

When I read it, I remembered a similar poem I’d written years earlier. It wasn’t in any folder on my current laptop. Elle prayed and I found a print copy of the poem, packrat that I am.

INVISIBLE

A taper flickering
Unseen by the noonday sun.

A voice wavering
Unheard by the fanfare.

A lone syllable
Unread by the sonnet.

A crust of bread
Untasted by the feast.

Insignificant to all
But God.

When we feel this way, a pep talk probably won’t help. We heard lots of those at conference. We might need a good cry. And a good pray. Like Hannah. “In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly.” (1 Samuel 1:10)

Hannah’s happy ending came when God answered her prayer for a son. She even wrote a poem about it, found in 1 Samuel 2:1 – 10. In addition to her firstborn, Samuel, Hannah received three more sons and two daughters. 

My beloved, cherished fellow writers, I wish we all could see ourselves as God sees us and believe in the success he has for us, whatever that looks like. Please keep sowing your words and water them with your tears and your prayers.

https://josephgonzales.com/coffee-i-dont-love-you-anymore/

Monday Musings: Bullies of the Bible

Sunday in children’s church, I once again found myself struggling with the sanitized version of a Bible story in the Beginner’s Bible. Today Hannah was sad (one teardrop sad, according to the illustrator) because she wanted a baby. (1 Samuel 1)

Before Sister Wives on TLC,
there were sister wives.

All the nasty backstory has been stripped away:  Hannah is in a polygamous marriage, or as TLC would say, she’s a sister wife with Peninnah, a bully. 

All the kids knew what a bully is. We listed ways a bully hurts you:  with fists, with words, by stealing your lunch money or toy. 

So Penny has lots of kids and Hannah has none, and Penny keeps rubbing it in; she’s a verbal bully.

And then you have hubby Elkanah. Here’s how he comforted his wife:  “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”

Um, well, actually, NO. This is circa 1000 B.C., and if a woman doesn’t have a son, she’s got nothing. Elkanah is going to kick the bucket one of these years, and do you think Penny’s sons are going to take care of “Auntie” Hannah after Dad dies? Very doubtful. Even if they felt so inclined, Penny wouldn’t go along with it. Think of Sarah booting Hagar and Ishmael out the tent door in Genesis.

I wonder which wife Elkanah married first. I’m thinking Hannah, and when she couldn’t deliver the goods, he married Penny, who knew hubby loved Hannah more.

One of the kids Sunday morning actually mentioned that a bully is often someone who has been bullied by someone else! I may have to go softer on Penny. Elkanah emotionally bullied Penny. “I need you to be the baby maker, but it’s Hannah that I love.”

Now imagine if Hannah had said to Elkanah, “Why do you need another wife? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” Cue hysterical laughter. No, it never worked that way in ancient cultures and not today in many modern cultures.

"I got you this double burger
to take your mind off your infertility."

Hannah’s “sister-wife” bullied her and her husband didn’t defend her. Elkanah responded to Penny’s bullying of Hannah by saying, “There, there, sweetie. Have a double helping of meat.” Meanwhile, Hannah’s crying so hard, her throat is so tight that there’s no way can she swallow the beef.

I made sure the kids knew Hannah was way more than one teardrop sad. I demonstrated some wailing for them. I hope I didn’t scare anyone. Oh, and I didn't tell the kids Hannah and Penny shared a husband. I told them Penny was "Hannah's friend."

"What's that drunken floozy doing in my tabernacle?"
1897-W-A-Foster - Published in 1897.
Scanned photos from the book whose copyright has expired

Hannah realizes there’s not going to be any satisfaction from her husband, the great defender, so she goes over his head. She goes to God. But Eli’s in the way. Eli possibly didn’t have the skill set for pastoral ministry. (Ya think???) He sees and hears this distraught woman and immediately accuses her of being drunk. God job, priest. You’re a bully, too. 

I admire Hannah’s persistence in prayer and respect for the priest, even though he had shown her none. Eli never actually apologized for his insult, but he did tell Hannah her prayer would be answered. And it was. She got her baby boy and a bunch more kids, too, but that’s a story for another Sunday.

Hannah was a remarkable woman. God arranged her infertility so that he could make something extraordinary of Samuel’s birth. Samuel was going to be a very important prophet and judge in the nation. He needed a mama who was willing to literally, physically, give him back to God. But Hannah didn’t know that for all the years she struggled with barrenness and bullying. She finally became desperate enough to offer God the deal he had planned all along.

Hannah inspires me to remember that no matter which nitwit appears to be in charge of the situation (myself included), I can appeal to a higher authority. And even when I feel bullied or misunderstood, God knows and loves me and knows what’s best.