Navigating my first
descent down the stairs each morning, I grip the handrail and proceed slowly.
First I place my titanium-laden right foot on a step and then my more organic
left foot on the same step. That way there’s little required from my
reconstructed right ankle, but more required from my left knee, which will ask
to be replaced before my left.
What happened to the
young woman who could fly down the stairs, a baby on one hip, a laundry basket
on the other, or sometimes a baby in a laundry basket? Answer: She stepped off a curb a few years ago and
broke both ankles.
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| My ankles on November 6, 2013. |
My second time downstairs
and for the rest of the day, I descend like any other human older than a toddler. During
therapy, my physical therapist critiqued my walking and instructed me to use my
right foot the same as my left, moving heel to toe. In spite of many weeks of
therapy, I favor my right ankle and move cautiously around steps and curbs.
I didn’t realize how
much I indulge this weakness until I landed a spot as the oldest nun in my
school’s production of the Sound of Music.
I naively thought memorizing Latin lyrics was a big challenge until we began
practicing on stage. It turned out a bigger challenge was navigating the narrow,
rail-less, stage steps in the dark. I wanted to take them slowly one at a time,
but that’s not how it works in theater. The other nuns were flying while I was
barely walking.
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| The oldest nun and her younger sisters |
My much younger sisters
saved me by gripping my hand tightly and helping me up and down the steps, but
I wonder how much better I might have done if I hadn’t for so long indulged the
weakness of my right ankle. Maybe I should have followed the instructions in
Hebrews 12:
Therefore, strengthen your feeble
arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your
feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. (verses 12 – 13)
I think the author of
Hebrews had more in mind than physical ailments, and I have other weaknesses
that I can choose to favor or fight. For instance, because for the past forty
plus years my husband has driven 99% of the time we’ve been together in a car,
I lack confidence in certain driving situations, like major highways, crowded
cities, snow, rain, dark—pretty much any time I’m not the only driver on a back
road in the sunshine. It angered me the other summer when my husband told me
not to visit him where he was working near D.C. because I wouldn’t be able to
drive there myself. My fury fueled my desire to conquer that weakness, and I
did. I was scared, but exhilarated when I arrived.
I know a man who excused
his violent temper by saying, “Everyone knows I’m a big angry b%st&rd.”
Yes, we know. We hear you shrieking at people and slamming things around. He
chooses to indulge his weakness rather than fight it or get professional help.
Not every physical,
psychological, or emotional weakness can be erased. I have to remember Paul,
apostle and New Testament writer, who struggled with what he called “a thorn in
the flesh.”
Therefore, in order to keep me from
becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to
torment me. Three times I pleaded with the
Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is
sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so
that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in
insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak,
then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7 – 10
Even though Paul couldn’t get rid of that weakness, he
didn’t use it as an excuse to sit home and do nothing. He continued to travel
and preach, learning to draw on Christ’s power. In the same epistle he wrote
about disciplining himself like an athlete. I remember my physical therapist
had much more strenuous routines than mine for a few young athletes who also
had broken ankles.
Do you not know that in a race all
the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the
prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into
strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to
get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not
fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that
after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the
prize. 9:24 – 27
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| Who told you you couldn't do Math? |
My friends and I were
discussing weaknesses, real and perceived. How many people are bad at Math
because someone told them they are bad at Math? My friend, a retired Math
teacher, said she asked her college freshmen on the first day of class to raise
their hands if they were bad at Math. Nine out of ten did.
Or how about the little
girl whose mom told her, “You’re such a klutz.” I heard her several times in
public, so imagine how many more times the girl heard it at home. As a parent,
I’ve been guilty, too. When my sons were young, I pegged them as the Dictator,
the Informant, the Terrorist, and the Peacemaker. It was my joke, but maybe
they didn’t find it funny. I continuously praised one of them as an artist, and it turns out
three of them are artists.
Sometimes we can’t
identify our strengths and weaknesses because parents, spouses, and others have
defined us. Maybe we need to ask God to define us instead.
I don’t have this figured
out. I have many more weaknesses that I have no intention of discussing in a
blog post. (If you buy me coffee, I might talk about them.) I don’t think every
person has to be strong in every area. Maybe that’s why we have each other. I
don’t think every person has to be strong all the time. Maybe that’s why there
are seasons of rigor and Sabbaths to refuel.
Which weaknesses have
you overcome? Which ones are you still fighting? Which ones leave you feeling
helpless or hopeless? I welcome your insights as I continue to ponder
weaknesses and what to do about mine.
Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is quoted from the New
International Version.
